“And do you want this job that badly?” For the first time, his voice actually rose in ferocity. “No matter what the cost?”
“Yes!”
“Then friggin’ fight for it! You want it so badly, yet you are willing to throw it away because of some petty fear? Do you know how to fight for anything? Is there anything that you would go to lengths for? Throw away your own selfishness for?”
“I’m not selfish!” she cried, but her voice wavered and her chin trembled.
“Aren’t you? You won’t fight for anything—your husband, your job…all these things you claim are important to you. Yet here you are, whining about doing the SkyJump. You say you are hungry for something, yet when it threatens you, you decide to throw it away. If that’s how you function, I'm not surprised that your husband wants nothing to do with you.”
Something exploded inside of Alyssa like a powder keg, and she stabbed her finger into Hat-man’s chest. “You think I don’t know how to fight for anything? You think nothing matters to me?”
He shrugged flippantly.
“Watch me,” she growled. She turned on her heel and strode toward the entrance to the SkyJump. She didn’t think about the height, didn’t think about the drop, didn’ t think about anything other than proving the obnoxious man in the stupid hat wrong.
Because he had to be wrong. She wasn’t selfish. She wasn’t.
She barely felt the man strapping her into her harness.
She had to prove them wrong, all of them. She wasn’t selfish she was being responsible. She had to prove to Tucker that he was wrong.
Why is he the one who’s wrong? He’s happy. What are you? A disaster.
“Are you ready, miss?”
She stared straight ahead and thought of Tucker, of the light in his beautiful blue eyes that had never died. Her eyes had lost that light a long time ago. Now, when she looked in the mirror, she only saw fatigue and dark circles.
“Miss?”
But that would change when she landed this job. She would be calling a lot of the shots. She wouldn’t be an errand girl anymore, jumping through hoops all the time. She would finally be able to do something with her life, her dreams. She could get her life back together. All of this would be worth it then.
“Miss?”
Tucker would see. She hadn’t abandoned their dreams together she was making it possible for them to live their dreams. He would be able to act and not have to wait tables anymore. She could be the breadwinner, and in the process, she would be able to live her dreams as a designer. That was how it had to be. It was the only conclusion that made sense. She had been sacrificing all this time so that they could finally reach the goals they had set!
Tucker achieved his goals long ago. You ditched yours because you got discouraged. He’s doing what he loves, and he’s good at it. He’s even working two nights a week as a sous chef for a prestigious restaurant. When he never even went to culinary school. He had the drive. He had the ambition. The only thing you’ re good at doing is blaming everyone else.
“Miss!”
“Just do it. Get it over with,” she muttered.
“Um....well, you have to jump. It’s not like I’m going to push you.”
Alyssa glanced at the young man, then down at all the rigging he had strapped her into. She looked over at the platform she had to jump from, and instead of feeling terrified like she expected, she just felt numb. The war in her own mind switched off and she thought if she jumped, at least she wouldn’t have to think for a couple of seconds. At the moment, that seemed like heaven...not thinking...not feeling anything.
She turned and leapt.
Without any thought. Without any fear.
She just...did.
